Arguments are draining, and somehow leave me feeling clumsy. I find myself in the state of mind where I'd rather bite my lip then speak my piece...until I try to eat and I am gnawing on the inside of my lip as if I am biting off candy. Unfortunately my lip is tasteless but painful and due to the stifling of emotion the sharp sensation of attempting to devour my own mouth unleashes a trickle, then a flood of tears and accusations.
As the conversation travels through it's course of mapped and unmapped argument territory, my breathing travels a radical course of it's own leaving me light headed. I stub, pull, injure my toe on my own clothing and fall down in a messy heap. I feel low, but not low enough. With my cheek pressing on the rough carpet as I feel sorry for myself I want to get lower, but find the floor to be an unrelenting barrier.
I am over come by the urge to sink my fingers into something. No, it's not enough. I want to sink into dirt, maybe drift slowly to the bottom of deep water. I'm so low inside, I find my depression inspiring and finally sink into my pillow. Argument is like a forced purge. I follow my argument with a "thank god that's out of my system" and brace myself for the reality that tomorrow I will likely by cheerful with a freshly emotionally cleased mind.
Is it being a girl that makes me moody, or is it being me...?
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